Well, now what do I do?

I'm conflicted.

I'm not sure what to do.

Or how to react.

David Ortiz, the beloved "Big Papi" of the Boston Red Sox, tested positive for steroids in 2003, according to the New York Times.

Papi's statement indicated surprise and a desire to find out what he's supposed to have tested positive for before he would comment further.

I hope it's false though in baseball's steroid era, I sadly lean toward accepting the NY Times report as correct.

If it is, it sucks big time, tarnishing two World Series titles and leaving me and millions of Red Sox fans confused. We roundly booed and loathed Barry Bonds, took great pleasure in chanting STEROIDS! and CHEATER! when Alex Rodriguez, and looked on with confusion and contempt as fans welcomed Manny "I need my female hormones" Ramirez was welcomed back to the Dodgers after serving his 50-game suspension for using banned substances. They cheated (in the case of the players) and ignored the cheating (the fans). How could anyone with a love and respect for the game support and encourage these guys?

But now it's Big Papi, not some guy I never liked or crowds on the other side of the country.

What the hell do I do?

Do I boo the next time I see him? Do I sit stoically? How do I react when the Fenway fans start to cheer him during the next homestand? Do I rationaize and say "this is different than the other situations somehow"?

If it's true, I'm disappointed and, I guess, not entirely surprised. But neither feeling helps me figure out what the hell I do now when I see Big Papi come up to bat.